How to say ‘no’, so that you can say ‘yes’ to your strategic vision
Photo by Kevin Butz on Unsplash
You crafted a strategic vision for your career; congratulations! And maybe you are starting to gracefully exit some of the activities and responsibilities that you discovered were not serving your strategic vision. But, you’re not done yet. In order to continue on the path towards your strategic goals, you will need to embrace the art of saying ‘no’.
Saying ‘no’ doesn’t feel great. You don’t want to feel like you’re letting someone down. But, what’s worse is that saying ‘no’ in academia can often come with a fear of repercussions: maybe your colleagues will think you’re not doing enough, so you won’t get their support for promotion, or maybe you won’t be asked to be part of a new exciting collaboration because they don’t feel they can count on you. These feelings then create a self-doubt spiral: you feel like you’re not doing enough, causing you to wonder if you aren’t enough.
We’re bombarded with messages about hustle culture, telling us to accept every opportunity and every request because we haven’t yet earned the right to say no. You may think that by saying ‘yes’ to everything, you will become an integral, go-to member of your department and community. Surely, by saying ‘yes’, you will gain the respect of your colleagues and be promoted.
As someone who has sat on many promotion and review committees, I can assure you it doesn’t work like that. Committees see through ‘busy-work’ and they can tell when you’re sidelined with activities that aren’t actually contributing to a broader realization of who you can be as a scholar. What will happen is that your colleagues will pass on work that doesn’t align with their strategic goals, and this work will eventually land on you because you were unable or unwilling to say ‘no’.
Learning how to say ‘no’ isn’t easy. But, saying ‘no’ gives you the space to say ‘yes’ to something that you truly want to do. Here are some helpful steps to take whenever you are presented with a request. First of all, do not feel compelled to respond in that moment, no matter how much your colleague[s] may press you for an answer. Simply say some variation of: “Thank you for approaching me with this opportunity. I will think this over and get back to you in a day or two.” Then reflect on whether the request is an activity that aligns with your strategic vision: does it give you access to the knowledge, network, or experiences that will propel you forward? Does it require your specific expertise, thereby elevating your academic brand and reputation? If not, then perhaps say ‘no’. But also consider how much time would be required to fulfill the request. Can you reasonably accommodate it—without unduly sacrificing progress on your strategic goals—to help out a colleague? If the time demand is minimal, if it knocks off a service requirement, or just makes your work bestie’s life a little bit easier, then go ahead. Remember that you may need someone’s help in the future, too.
Saying ‘no’ requires you to believe that you are worthy of saying ‘yes’ to yourself. It also requires you to be clear with yourself (and others) on what, exactly, you want to say ‘yes’ to! If you don’t know where you want to go, then anything could be a potential ‘yes’. For further reading on why you should get comfortable saying ‘no’, check out resources such as ‘The Art of Saying No’ by Damon Zahariades. If you need help gaining clarity on what is your ‘yes’ and your ‘no’, or if you want to practice saying ‘no’ to a specific request, let’s chat!
Next week: Your journey is unique—don’t get caught in the comparison trap.
