Networking: How to talk to your heroes
Photo by Henry Storck on Unsplash
You’re at a conference talk, listening to something really inspiring. You’d like to ask a question but you think what if they think that’s a stupid question? I don’t want to embarrass myself in front of all of these people. So, you decide to wait and go up to them after the talk and introduce yourself. But then, there’s a few other, more senior, people around. And they have really good questions. And now you’re really feeling nervous because there’s not enough time left in this break, the next speaker needs to go on, and you still don’t even know what exactly you would say if you did approach them. You convince yourself you’ll just email the speaker later—even though you’ve never cold-emailed potential colleagues in the past and you’re not sure if that’s weird or if they’ll even respond. Finally, you move on to the rest of your conference, never connecting with the person you’d really like to meet.
Networking in academia, much like in any field, can feel awkward and pressure-filled. How do you approach someone you don’t know—especially when they are more senior than you?
A good place to start is to remember that your colleagues, even the ones who are senior to you, are just people too. They have big, complex lives, and all of the emotions and feelings that go along with that. They, like you, have some days when they’re dominating, and some days that just don’t go as well. And, I would hazard a bet that they really enjoy talking about their work, and it would probably leave them with warm, fuzzy feelings if someone wanted to know more about it and/or how they got where they are now. Just like you would probably feel if someone showed a genuine interest in your work.
Ok, so now what do you say when you approach them? If you do have a specific question—like in the example above—then great! You have a built in ice-breaker! Feel free to introduce yourself and ask it. Or, if you don’t feel like you have a question that you feel comfortable asking, you could, again, simply introduce yourself, say that you enjoyed their talk and comment on what really resonated with you. You could note that you’ve read their past work, have found it interesting, and tell them why. If you found some aspect of their results surprising, you could ask if those results were what they expected. If the experimental design was clever, you could ask them what gave them the inspiration to address their questions with that paradigm. If the talk was a bit of a pivot from what they usually publish, you could ask what inspired this changed in direction. Basically, initiating a conversation with a colleague boils down to two strategies: tell them what’s on your mind, or ask them about their mind.
Now, what do you do if the moment for an in-person connection has passed, or you haven’t yet had the opportunity to meet them in person but would still like to know them? Contrary to the fear you are experiencing right now just thinking about it, you can, actually, just send an email. In fact, you should! It will become less and less terrifying over time. Here’s the simple formula. First, introduce yourself. Next, describe the common ground. Do you both know someone in common? Are they friends with your supervisor or one of your collaborators? Did you see them at a talk, or speak with one of their lab members at a conference? Are you both researching similar ideas? Anything that can describe a starting point of where there may be an overlap in your paths. Finally, make the specific request. Ask your burning question. Or, ask for a 30-minute zoom meeting so you can learn more about their research and how they got to where they are. If the idea of sending a cold outreach email still makes you want to vomit, figure out who knows the person you want to connect with, and see if they will do a ‘warm handshake’ for you. For instance, if one of my postdocs wants to meet a faculty member who I happen to know, I will email that faculty member, copy my postdoc on the email, introduce them to one another, and make a specific request of the faculty member to have a conversation with my postdoc about a particular topic. Then, we wait to hear if the faculty member is open to having a conversation, and if so, I leave the scheduling and the rest of the interaction up to the postdoc. Having a colleague do a ‘warm handshake’ for you can open up doors, and smooth the path to meeting new people. Essentially, your colleague is vouching for you, and that can be a powerful tool to have others pay attention to you.
What if they don’t respond to the email? That can (does) happen. But it (probably) doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re not interested in talking to you. They could be on vacation, ill, busy with family, or drowning in other work obligations. It could simply be that they didn’t catch it amongst the other 100 emails that came in that day. Wait two weeks and try again. If they still don’t respond, assume that they are just busy, and make sure to speak to them in person at the next conference or event.
Of course, it’s possible that you do introduce yourself to someone in an email, or even speak to them in person, and it turns out that they’re just not an especially nice person. This isn’t a reflection on you; you didn’t do anything wrong. This may just be who they are—or who they are right now. But, at least now you know that about them. And you can continue on, cultivating your network with others who are more welcoming.
Networking isn’t about having the “smartest” question or comment—it’s about showing up with curiosity. It’s an opportunity to share knowledge and interests. And as you build confidence in talking to your heroes, don’t forget: you might already be someone else’s. Paying it forward can be just as impactful as reaching out. If a nervous student or a shy colleague asks to have a conversation, give them a bit of your time (within your boundaries and capabilities, of course) to discuss ideas and career trajectories.
Who’s someone you’ve always wanted to connect with? What’s one step you can take this week to start that conversation—whether it’s posing a question after a talk, writing a thoughtful email, or requesting a warm handshake through a mutual contact? Building your network doesn’t have to feel intimidating; it just takes mindful and intentional practice. If you’d like help developing a strategy that feels authentic to you, let’s talk.
Next week: Editing can be fun. Just drop the ego.
