How to validate yourself
Photo by Immo Wegmann on Unsplash
When you’re in school, it’s easy to know whether you’re on the right track and doing well; your teacher or professor gives you a grade. But, now you’ve been done with coursework for a while, and you’ve embarked on your career. How do you know if you’re doing well enough? Especially when you’re told not to compare yourself to your peers?
Define Success on Your Own Terms. First, it’s important to have clarity on where you want to go. What are your dreams? What does a successful life mean to you? For some people, this may mean running their own research lab so they can find answers to the specific questions that keep them up at night. For others, a successful life may look like being a contributing team member in a fast-paced, industry-focused environment, but having enough time and flexibility to raise a family and take care of their parents. And for others, success may be inspiring the next generation of learners through teaching. Define success on your own terms, and make sure your goals are in alignment with your core values, those principles and beliefs that shape what feels meaningful to you.
Self-Reflection as Ongoing Feedback. Next, define specific goals that you think will ultimately lead to your dreams. Then, every week or every month, take a moment for self-reflection. Seriously, schedule a meeting with yourself and don’t miss it. Take minutes. Jot a few notes. What’s important is that you keep a record. What have you learned? What is something new that you tried? What fear did you overcome? What gave you energy or made you feel happy? What wasn’t working, or where were the vibes just off? Consistent self-reflection will allow you to see where you are making progress or where you either need additional supports or may need to make some tough decisions regarding whether this is the right path forward for you. At the end of each academic year, calendar year, or even right before your birthday—whichever annual marker resonates with you—take a morning or afternoon to then do some deep reflection and write yourself a letter. How did you start the year and how are you finishing it? Who are you now compared to who you were then? Is this where you wanted to be, or have you accomplished even more than what you thought possible? Remember that this exercise is about progress, not perfection. These annual letters will show you not only how far you’ve come with consistent work, but also what is possible in a year. Then, set your goals for the next year.
Lean on Your Community. Share your dreams and goals with your peers or mentors that you trust. This community can serve as an accountability system that helps you track and validate your progress. Additionally, your community can call you out when you start to stagnate, and help you problem-solve the best ways to get back on track.
Create an ‘Impact’ Folder. When times get tough, it can be helpful to have reminders that what you do matters. In my office, I have a collection of every thank-you card that a student or colleague has given me over the past 25 years. When I have a bad day, instead of counting how many years I have left until retirement, I pull out one of those cards and read it. The cards remind me of the specific student or colleague, the work we did together, and how far we’ve both come. I reflect on how their time with me was one of the many puzzle pieces that they put together to achieve their goals—whether that’s becoming a professor, an MD, a parent, or all of the above—and that they’ve helped me achieve mine. And then I smile and get back to work. Of course, update your CV regularly and keep track of everything you’re going to need for that overdue performance review or grant application. Keep track of what you do. But also make sure to keep a digital or physical folder that you fill with thank-you notes, positive feedback, or even voice memos to yourself about an achievement you made or what is currently making you feel hopeful or grateful.
Notice the Subtle Shifts. Finally, look for the subtle signs that the sands have been shifting. Do certain tasks feel easier than before? Do you feel more confident and less anxious? Is the type of work you’re doing, or the way you are thinking, evolving? Are you taking on new challenges? These are all signs that you have been making progress and that progress deserves to be validated.
All of these tactics stem from the same, underlying principle: you should celebrate yourself. In the words of my favourite Peloton instructor, Alex Toussaint: clap for yourself and validate your greatness. If you keep showing up, doing the work, and focusing on what you can control, you will see progress over time.
Ready to put these ideas into practice?
1. Pick one reflection prompt from this post and answer it today.
2. Drop the answer in a journal, voice memo, or a quick note to a friend—just get it out of your head and make it intentional.
If you’d like a guided framework to track your progress without chasing external validation, let’s talk. I help early career researchers design their strategic visions that keep them engaged and aligned with their own definition of success. Book a free discovery call today!
*NEW!* If you’re a postdoctoral fellow who is looking to develop or polish your job application materials, check out my new coaching package here and let’s make sure you stand out!
Next week: Mentoring: How to support your team without losing yourself
