Breaking up with imposter syndrome

Photo by Billy Aboulkheir on Unsplash

Years ago, when I was still an assistant professor, I had been invited to give a talk at an international conference. I was terrified; I was never particularly comfortable with public speaking (spoiler alert: I’m still not). A number of luminaries in the field were going to be in the audience, and I felt like I was surely going to expose myself as some kind of fraud who didn’t belong there. I happened to run into a more senior colleague at lunch just before my session was due to start. Likely sensing my fear, they tried to joke with me a bit, saying: ‘Pretty tough audience out there, you ready?’ No, I most certainly was not. I told them how I was feeling, to which they said, ‘Don’t worry about it, everyone has imposter syndrome, even me. You’re going to be fine.’ This surprised me, as this academic was widely considered a star in the field. They have imposter syndrome too?! They continued chatting with me, and afterward, I felt much calmer because I felt less alone in my experience. I gave my talk, it went well, and my colleague gave me a head-nod and a thumbs-up from the back of the room.

Years later, I ran into this same colleague and thanked them for that conversation, as that really was a turning point for me in my relationship with imposter syndrome. I started to feel like maybe I did belong in this field, and that I had something unique to contribute. They looked at me quizzically, cocked their head to the side, and said ‘I’ve never had imposter syndrome. I probably only said that to you to make you feel better.’

Welp.

Maybe my colleague never really struggled with imposter syndrome, but I have, and I know so many others who have too. And it doesn’t just afflict graduate students or postdocs; any new stage in your career can trigger feelings of doubt and insecurity, and leave you wondering if you really have the right stuff to succeed at this higher level.

There are many reasons why imposter syndrome is so pervasive. In every field, there are colleagues who are superstars—the ones who have tons of funding, brilliant ideas, and highly impactful papers. There are also colleagues who have so much wisdom, from their decades of experience, they constantly project an aura of ease, of always knowing exactly what comes next. If you start comparing yourself to them, it can start to feel like you’ll never catch up to their levels of knowledge or success. Then there’s the fact that there’s no one single path to success, so how do you know if you’re doing things right or going off the rails? With so many paths to choose from, it’s easy to second-guess your own carefully crafted plans, doubting your own hard work. Finally, every work produced, whether it’s a paper, a grant, or a talk, invites questions, opinions, and critiques. When you (inevitably) receive negative feedback, you may start to question yourself: maybe your ideas aren’t innovative enough, or maybe you don’t have as much expertise as you thought you did. When these feelings of imposter syndrome creep in, they can lead you down the road to perfectionism, in which the fear of judgment leads to constant iteration of your work. Feelings of imposter syndrome can also lead to you collaborate in your own defeat—taking away opportunities from yourself because you don’t feel ready or worthy. These behaviors then loop back in to fuel more imposter syndrome: because the work isn’t getting done and because you’re not growing in your career, you start to think the evidence is clear that you were truly an imposter all along.

How do you break this cycle and move towards building confidence?

One way to combat imposter syndrome is to reframe what those feelings mean. Feeling scared or nervous or unsure doesn’t mean that you’re not qualified or that you don’t belong. Instead, these feelings simply mean that you are growing and trying new things that are hard. Another way to combat imposter syndrome is to think back to another time in your life when tried something new. You may have felt nervous, or you may have been unsure that you could do it, but in the end, what happened? Did you succeed? Even if you failed, did you learn from your experience in a way that made you better prepared for your next attempt? Draw on these experiences to remember that you found a way through before, and you will find your way through this too.

There are other small steps you can take to build your confidence and combat imposter syndrome over time. One is to keep a list somewhere of your accomplishments; these can be achievements like promotions or awards, but they’re also things you’ve learned, goals you’ve achieved (even non-work-related goals, like running a marathon, or finally cleaning that closet), and moments when you have been proud of yourself for showing up. Define what success looks like for you, track progress towards your goals, and celebrate your wins. And finally, normalize conversations around imposter syndrome with your team and your colleagues. Maybe not everyone suffers from imposter syndrome, but I would bet that most people have been scared, or have doubted their abilities, at one time or another. Share stories of what helped you through, and what you learned. You may help another colleague feel a little calmer and breathe a little easier.

Building confidence isn’t about having all of the answers. It’s about showing up, trying, sometimes failing, and eventually succeeding. Even if you’re not where you want to be yet, believe that you have the opportunities, the communities, and the skillsets to eventually figure it out. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again.

Is imposter syndrome is holding you back from the next step in your career? You’re not alone, and you don’t have to navigate it alone either. Let’s talk and build confidence in a way that is authentic to you.

Next week: You have to learn how to walk before you can run