How to handle tough feedback without taking it personally
Almost every academic has received a brutal review at some point in their career. It’s why there are so many jokes and memes about “Reviewer #2.” I’ve certainly had my fair share of negative reviews, including one who questioned whether English was my first language, and another who stated my data must be wrong because the theory it was disproving was already settled truth. It can be hard not to take tough feedback personally. But, internalizing tough feedback can shake your confidence, and, in the long-term, may even derail you from your strategic vision.
Our academic success relies on external evaluations. Reviewers judge our theses, our publications, our grants, and our cases for tenure and promotion. So how can you handle tough feedback without taking it personally, and instead, create constructive responses that lead to success while maintaining your well-being?
First, acknowledge and define your emotions. Why are you taking the feedback so personally? Are you allowing the feedback to affect your self-worth? Is the feedback causing fear or stress? For instance, maybe you really needed the grant to be funded to keep the lab running, and now you’re scared that you may have to let your research assistant go, or you maybe you can no longer afford to pay for that imaging project that you recently started. Once you identify the root of your emotional reaction, you can shift from feeling stuck to taking action. Maybe you reflect on how your self-worth is tied to your values and not to external factors you can’t control. Or maybe you talk with your department chair about support to keep your lab personnel, or talk with your colleagues about a way to collaborate on research projects and share funding. Or perhaps the feedback holds the key to a successful revise-and-resubmit after all.
Second, recognize that reviewers are human beings, and their feedback is shaped by their own expertise, lived experiences, and blind spots. If their response is overly critical it may due to a misalignment in perspectives, biases for certain methodological or statistical approaches, or differences in interpretations of the data, rather than a flaw in your work. Or perhaps the reviewer was pressed for time and energy, and your writing wasn’t clear or compelling enough to keep them fully engaged with ease.
Third, when you receive negative feedback that elicits a strong emotional response within you, it is important to take a pause and reframe. Read the review, rant about it to a friend or colleague if you need to, but then set it aside for a few days. Come back to it again when the shock of disappointment or anger has worn off. Then, in this calmer state, take a 3-step approach:
1. Note what is purely subjective (e.g., a dismissive tone or vague critiques)
2. Find the constructive criticism (e.g., specific comments on clarity in a manuscript, or a suggestion to give more talks to improve visibility in a promotion review)
3. Decide how to respond (which changes to make, which critiques to disregard)
Remember that even if a reviewer is expressing their feedback in a tone that feels disrespectful or even rude, they may not have intended it as such. Either way, there are still helpful points that can be extracted that, if addressed, can strengthen your work or provide guiding action for your career. Reframe this feedback as an opportunity, not as judgment. For instance, if a reviewer says “This passage is confusing and irrelevant to the paper”, this is your opportunity to edit, clarify, and expand on your thinking in a way that makes your arguments even better. Note that not all feedback may be worthy of your consideration; carefully reflect on your work and your strategic vision to decide which changes could help propel you forward.
Finally, building physical resilience can help you build mental resilience. I was at a conference recently where a student asked me how I personally dealt with negative feedback or situations in which I felt like my ideas weren’t being heard. I told them my go-to is physical activity. I think out loud I said “I find it helpful to know that I am probably strong enough to take them in a fight.” They chuckled. Of course, I was (mostly) joking, but the point is this: whether it’s lifting weights, running, or simply moving your body, pushing yourself past one more set of squats—or one more mile—reminds you that you are capable of overcoming challenges, in and out of the gym. Find an activity that brings you joy and helps you (literally and metaphorically) stand a little taller.
Harsh feedback is not a reflection of your abilities; it is part of the process of continually growing and advancing in your career. Are you struggling to move past a negative review or feeling stuck in a cycle of self-doubt? Coaching can help you build confidence and turn setbacks into growth—let’s get on a call today.
Next week: Your research is not your identity – how to detach your self from your work
