Mentorship is a two-way street
Photo by Pablo García Saldaña on Unsplash
It’s not uncommon for people to think, on some level, that the best mentors are the ones who can show us step-by-step what they did to become successful; if I can just do exactly what they did, then I’ll get my dream career too. But, the truth is that the best mentors aren’t the ones who turn their mentees into a ‘mini-me’. The best mentors guide their mentees towards careers that align authentically with that mentee’s values and dreams—not the mentor’s. To do that, an ideal mentor will be open to learning from the mentee. The best mentors are open, curious, and most importantly, teachable.
Over the years, my mentees have taught me that there is more than one way to be successful and to find joy. Some have wanted the relentless pace and high-intensity of a research-heavy academic position, some have wanted to teach, and others have wanted a stable 9-5 job in government that left evenings and weekends open for family and friends. Some mentees have wanted to live in a big city, whereas others have wanted a quieter life on the countryside. By teaching me what kinds of careers my mentees want and why, my mentees have also shown their priorities and their broader lived experiences: their religions, family customs, hobbies, fears, and the barriers they’ve had to overcome.
As an additional benefit, learning about my mentees in this way has helped me identify gaps in my own knowledge, and it pushes me to find novel ways to support the unique concerns that they have. For me to effectively support my mentees, I’ve learned that I can’t simply apply a unidirectional transfer of knowledge. Instead, I need to intentionally structure and create a space for conversations in which my mentee and I can learn from each other, making room for us both to evolve as leaders in our own right as a result. To grow as a mentor and support your mentees, try these strategies for fostering conversations that promote mutual learning:
1. Check your assumptions. You may think you know where your mentee wants to go in their career and which of their concerns are top-of-mind, but you may not have the full picture. Don’t just fill in the blanks. Get information. Likewise, if you are providing advice, ask yourself whether you’re providing advice because you know it would work for you, or because it’s really the best fit for your mentee.
2. Ask open-ended questions. To more comprehensively understand your mentee’s situation and career concerns, ask questions such as, “What are your goals?”, “How do you want to feel in your career?”, or “What are you struggling with the most right now?”
3. Listen without rushing to fix. We want to help our mentees succeed, and as a result, it can be tempting to rush in with solutions that we think can fix their problem. But sometimes what is first revealed to be the issue isn’t the real crux of the problem. By continuing to ask open-ended questions, you can listen and gather more information that can then reveal the most effective path for further conversations and potential solutions. For instance, a mentee’s struggle with writing may, at first, look like a time management problem for which we would ordinarily rush in and propose calendar blocking, accountability partners, etc. But, additional open-ended questions may uncover a mentee’s deep insecurity and reluctance to submit anything less than perfect. Then it becomes apparent that the real solution lies in a mindset shift rather than in time management.
4. Admit when you don’t know something. As a mentor, it’s ok to not know everything or to have every solution. The important part is that you model the right behavior when faced with a question that you’re not equipped to answer. Be transparent about the steps you take, about how you investigate the topic to find out relevant information, and then follow-up with your mentee with what you have learned.
5. Problem-solve together. Ask your mentee what would be most helpful for them, given where they are. You can also ask your mentee how they would like to co-create a solution together. For instance, if they are struggling with networking, maybe the two of you decide that what would be most helpful is to draft email templates together, and then your mentee identifies 3 people they would like to send those emails to.
6. Ask for feedback. To grow as a mentor, it’s critical to know what has been helpful for your mentee and what hasn’t. Simple questions to ask include, “What was most helpful for you in our session today?”, or “Is there anything I can do differently to support you better?” By inviting feedback and adapting accordingly, you model the mindset of continual learning and development that you want your mentees to embrace.
Great mentors don’t have all the answers, but they do ask the right questions and learn alongside their mentees. Ready to build a mentorship style that empowers you and your team? Book a free discovery call and let’s talk.
Next week: Don’t collaborate in your own defeat
